Day Dreaming a Better Life Through Spam

Our spam filter here at the office suddenly is not working. It’s only sort of filtering. A little. Here and there. This has been going on for a good week. So approximately every six seconds, a box pops up announcing a new message (there’s one) has made its way into my inbox and 9 times out of 10 it’s spam.

This was highly highly annoying (there’s another one) and very distracting at first. But the spam has grown on me like a welcome fungus. And I’ve been slipping in and out of a spam-fantasy in which all those subject line promises are true and all the devices they sell are awesome!

In the last 10 minutes (in my spam-fantasy) I’ve become the proud owner of a Costa Rican vacation home! I’ll leave for my trip as soon as I clip my cat’s nails with Pedi Paws, the Incredible Pet Nail Trimmer as Seen on TV and learn Spanish FREE in Seven Days. Ooo–I just got a $7,500 credit line from my spam pal Christine R.–I’m taking the rest of the day off to go shopping. I’ll need some new clothes for the Costa Rica vacation.

On second thought, forget taking the day off–I’m quitting. Luckie Enterprises has a better job for me. I’ll create my own schedule, get a company car, make $6,293 a month, and get great benefits. (I wonder if there are direct flights from Newark, DE to Costa Rica…)

Then I’ll work on a Degree for Working Moms online. Criminal Justice sounds fun. Or maybe Nursing. Wait–here’s a better idea from another spam-friend: A degree in Medical Billing. It’s self-paced and flexible. That’s sound fantastic! But the offer I just got sounds even better. I can add MBA to my name through an fully verifiable University Degree! WHAT A GREAT IDEA!

Viagra and Cialis–that’s a classic. I suppose it couldn’t hurt to throw those in my Costa Rica suitcase. I don’t even need a prescription and if I spend $250 shipping is free! With my new credit line, that’s no problem! I’ll also need a PERFECT Watch Replica starting at just $199. And some Chanel Shoe Replicas–experts can’t tell the difference. Man I’ll be styling on those Costa Rican beaches right outside my door. I’m not worried about spending too much–I’ve got plenty of spam-friends to help with dept consolidation if I get in over my head. They all seem so nice and eager to help me out.

P.S. IT Dudes: Please stop the madness. Please please please please please please please.

The info on my Costa Rican vacation home!

The info on my Costa Rican vacation home!


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